The Guy and I have our own language.
Non, ce n’est pas le français.
Or-nay is-ay it-ay ig-pay atin-lay.
Thank God, it’s not baby talk, either. (I attempted to provide an example of baby talk here, but I almost barfed on my keyboard. You guys will just have to use your imaginations, OK?)
Rather, our private language consists entirely of movie dialogue.
Sometimes, other people get it. Most of the time, they just think we’re retarded and/or overdramatic, which, of course, we often are.
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It all started when we watched Away We Go. Both The Guy and I have unabashed crushes on Maggie Gyllenhaal (”I would step over your dead body to get to Maggie Gyllenhaal,” I informed him during the Oscars), so we got the biggest kick out of her character, the pretentious, New-Age-y, radical “LN.” Now, whenever we see a child in a stroller, one of us inevitably turns, looks at the other levelly and says, “Mama, in this house, we carry our babies.”
The habit really ramped up when we watched one of our favorite movies, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, together. Now, when one drops something or stubs a toe or falls in the shower and exclaims, “Damn!”, the other finishes with, “We’re in a tight spot!”
Any time anyone leaves anywhere, anytime, we announce, “He [or she] up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T.” The Guy is particularly fond of, “Damnit, I am the paterfamilias!” and “I’m a Dapper Dan man!”
Whenever I finish a conversation with him, rather than “I love you” or “bye,” I say, “I’ve spoken my piece and counted to 10.” And then I either hang up or walk away.
It wouldn’t matter if one of us were driving, rewiring an electrical socket or performing neurosurgery; if you shout “SQUIRREL!!” and point somewhere in the distance, we will stop what we’re doing and look.
Sad.
This one drives The Guy crazy, but it’s my favorite:
“Hand me that [insert item here - wallet, screwdriver, pen, toilet paper, .38 Smith & Wesson, etc.].”
“Which one is it?”
“It’s the one that says ‘Bad Motherf–ker.’”
As a theology major, The Guy knows every word of Ezekiel 25:17; it’s one of the things that made me fall in love with him.
It’s not just movies, though; our neurosis also extends to theatre. Ever since we saw Tennessee Williams’s Summer and Smoke together at Marjorie Lyons Playhouse, our weekend plans have invariably included at least one suggestion of “ice cream and picktcha puzzles.”
Pretty soon, we’re not going to say a single word to each other that wasn’t written by someone else or that anyone except Roger Ebert can understand.
Maybe we should start going to the opera more…
…or on second thought, maybe not.
Your quoting
Kel
I totally get the secret language thing.
The ex-Mr. Mer and I used to quote mainly from Bruce Campbell movies. A few years ago, he did a TV ad for Old Spice where he sang a caberet version of “Hungry Like the Wolf.” I turned to him and said, “The next time we do it, I’ll probably be picturing him, just so you know. ” His reply was, “Yeah. Me too.”
You two are just too cute for words! So happy for you!!
I remember that commercial!! Bruce Campbell is so freaking hot. You have excellent taste.
(I do not feel entirely confident saying the same thing about the former Mr. Mer. I mean, after all, he’s not the current Mr. Mer, so SOMETHING about his taste must be questionable.)
He initially had EXCELLENT taste. He just lost it somewhere along the way.
Intern Chris wants Kel to know that he “is bonified” and that “he has prospects” and for her and the guy to “nawt seek the tray-zure” and that he and Angie call each other “hunny bunny” and whenever they are at a restaurant, Chris will jump up on the table and threaten “Nobody moove, this is a rawr-bur-ee!” and then Angie will jump up and yell, “If any of you mutha-f***rs move, I’ll execute every last one of ya!” and after we that display we usually get a free appetizer!
Chris, you may very well be the most bonafide individual I have ever encountered.
You and Angie are also among the most charismatic, which explains why the two of you generally get free appetizers and not simply a free trip to the pokey. Which is what I would get.
Call me when you start quoting Christopher Guest movies, darling . . . then you, The Guy, and I can REALLY have a conversation!
Oh, girl. You and The Guy are peas and carrots. He loves Christopher Guest movies beyond all good sense and reason.
Speaking of which, we’re watching Blazing Saddles as I type this, and The Guy is giggling uncontrollably. It’s pretty much the cutest thing ever.
The Guy is my new best friend. Please inform him of this new development.
Oh, you were besties the minute he learned you resemble Flo from the Progressive commercials.
I will arrive for my visit in costume, then. Tricked out name tag and everything!
Where is her BUSY BEE?!
Christopher Guess movies are some of the brightest moments of my life.
You stupid . . . HOTEL MANAGER!!! (yay for Parker Posey!)
For instance, do you both love soup???
Mere, speaking of loving soup, we are trying to get Jennifer Coolidge to be our celebrity guest at Art Against AIDS this year! Eek!!!
That would make me want a hot dog REAL BAD.
Let me know if she accepts!
My brother and I are like that with Bill Murray movies. With some Mel Brooks thrown in on the side.
Blazing Saddles never gets old. One of my all-time favorite movies. You want to define pointless? Watch Blazing Saddles on USA or the Family Channel. I mean, seriously… why even run the movie if you’re going to cut out everything that’s funny?
“Gravvitt!”
The Guy didn’t even come home until about 10:00 last night, and he was understandably exhausted.
After the beans/farting scene, though, he was perky as a rat in liverwurst.
Mel Brooks has powers that I can only envy.
It’s Napoleon Dynamite that keeps my marriage strong. Or 24. My husband has been saying “Poof!!!” as his imitation of the terrorist blowing up on 24. I just giggle uncontrollably.
Just IMAGINING this makes me giggle.
Tom and I soooo do this, too! And, we groan at each other’s puns. I’m particularly good at really horrible ones.
So happy for you!
HAHA! The Guy enjoys a good pun, too. As do I, but I’m no good at making them up.
Our favorite is “say what again!”
We usually say it obliquely, meaning that we’re actually saying it to Doodle when she peeves one of us!
I cannot WAIT until your child goes to school, and when the teacher tells her (for instance) to hang up her coat, she raises an eyebrow and says, “Say what again?!” in her best ghetto dialect.
So . . . you’re in love? How long have you two been dating/do you think that’s weird/how many times would you say you’ve been in love before?
I ask, of course, because I knew with Kamran after a few weeks, he was my first, I didn’t think it was weird but was afraid he would, and people think it’s soooooooooooo horrifying.
(You can answer me privately in e-mail, of course.)
Actually, I’m going to answer you in a post tomorrow! (See my most recent post if you’re wondering just what the hell I’m up to.)
That’s ok. Mark and I periodically make up songs to one another for no reason about silly things. And songs about our dogs. We’re practically a musical… except out of tune.
For understandable reasons, I leave most of the singing around here to The Guy.
Except for the Chihuahua Song, of course:
Aye, Chihuahua!
You, Chihuahua!
We Chihuahua!
They Chihuahua!
We all Chihuahua!
Chihuahua!
Chihuahua!
Chihuahuuuuuaaaaa!!
Copyright 1999, Nicole Papa and Kelly Phelan
Anyone who quotes from “Oh, Brother…” has to be a keeper! I know…I have one!! My favorite lines…”We-Thought-You-Was-A-TOAD”…& “that meat done turned”..(I am cracking up as I type:) Anytime we go to a Chinese Buffet, Jeff picks up the chicken skewer, holds it up to me and says, “Gopher, Evertt?” Hands down, funniest & most quotable movie!! The fact that you and The Guy love it, just proves what excellent taste you have..in movies and in partners!
I cannot WAIT to go to dinner with you and Jeff. Although y’all might make me wet my pants.
I love this post! I also speak movie quote…speaking of “O, Brother”, – “I work for No man”
My best friends and I do this with Gossip Girl dialogue pretty regularly (because we’re 16). If I could find a guy who would be appropriately offended when I told him his sweet potatoes were bland, I’d marry him INSTANTLY.
So, congrats on having an awesome guy. JEALOUS.
HAHA! Thanks!
No shame in loving Gossip Girl. I don’t watch it regularly (sadly, I don’t get to watch ANYTHING regularly), but I sit on the sofa utterly TRANSFIXED every time I’m flipping channels and it happens to be on.
So I guess I’m 16 too.